


Just a joke

by death_is_my_bestfriend



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Blood, Drunken Kissing, Fighting, Forgiving spain, Germany is awkward, Just a joke, M/M, Mild Blood, Minor Violence, POV Romano (Hetalia), Romano is a little shit, Romano is a troublemaker, Spain, added an extra chapter for shit n giggles, cheating ( not really tho), chocolate is good for the soul, comedi, cursing, happy ending l guess, its a bit insane, not good at tags, spain is slightly jealous, things escalated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-02-02 10:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12724953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/death_is_my_bestfriend/pseuds/death_is_my_bestfriend
Summary: Sometimes jokes go to far, and Spain and Portugal looks very alike. That can be a bit awkward don't you think Romano? Romano tells Spain he accidentally slept with Portugal. l´m not good at summaries.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Me and a friend joked about how alike Spain and Portugal is and things just escalated from there. Don´t take it too serious its just a bad joke XD. So we decided to write it down, my friend wrote most off it but its our story. Neither of us have english as native languages so I apologies if there are some errors.

Just a joke  
Romano were walking on the street looking for that damn jerkbastard Spain. He had asked him to meet him to eat dinner in the city and then have the gut to be late. So Romano decided walk up and down the street looking for Spain. People were talking, cars were driving by, birds flying and walking on the ground and there were still no sight of that damn Spain. He decided to walk back to the restaurant and wait for him there when he saw Spain walking slowly towards the restaurant with his hands in his pockets. How dared he be late and then act so casual about it! Romano stomped over to Spain who stopped, looking surprised at seeing Romano.  
”First you are late and then you don’t even apologize to me for being late, you damn bastard!”  
Spain just looked at him shocked, opened his mouth to speak but Romano cut him off.  
”I came all this way to eat with you when I could have laid in my bed sleeping. I hope you’re happy you jerkbastard.”  
”I’m not Spain.”  
Romano had to be quiet for a moment to let the words sink in. ”Portugal?”  
He nodded. ”Yes.”  
”Well how the fuck am I suppose to se that? You two are identical!”  
Portugal flipped his ponytail between his fingers.  
”How the fuck am I suppose to se it if it’s behind you all the damn time!? Can’t you color your hair or shave it all off?”  
Portugal started to laugh and laid a hand on Romano’s shoulder. ”Or you could just start to se the difference between us two.”  
Out of nowhere Spain appeared and removed Portugal’s hand from Romano’s shoulder. ”Hola Romano. I’m so sorry I’m late. I got stuck in the traffic and my phone died and luck was not on my side. Los siento.” Then he turned to Portugal with a cold smile. ”And what are you doing here?”  
”I was just going for a walk when Romano started yelling at me and believed I was you.” Then he just walked away from them and disappeared in the crowd.  
Spain turned to Romano with a heavy head. ”Los siento Romano. The dinner is on me.”  
”You damn right the dinner is on you, you bastard.” 

While eating Romano couldn’t stop thinking about how Spain had acted towards Portugal. Now that he thought about it, Spain was always cold or protective when people flirted with him. Cold when guys flirted. He usually stared at them in a cold way, trying to look intimidating, Romano always thought he looked stupid. When ladies flirted he would usually lay an arm around Romano and give him a kiss or something like that. Romano took a sip out of his glass and looked at Spain as he was chewing the food and looked out though the window. How jealous could he get? 

”Oi Spain, can I talk to you?”  
Spain was laying on the soffa taking a siesta. He yawned and stretched as he looked up at him. ”What is it Roma?”  
”I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just gonna go ahead and say it.”  
Spain sat up looking worrying at him. ”What’s wrong?”  
”I slept with Portugal.”  
The silence was something that you only could compare to a tomb as Spain just stared at Romano. After a while Romano wondered if he had become a statue before he broke the silence with a forced calmed voice. ”Qué?”  
”I didn’t mean to I though he was you.”  
”When did this happened?”  
”A couple a weeks ago. I didn’t know how to tell you.”  
Spain just nodded slowly and stared at nothing infront of him. ”I see. And he didn’t say anything at all that he wasn’t me?”  
Romano shook his head. ”It was only afterwards I found out.”  
Spain nodded, got up from the couch and exited the room. Romano almost expected something to break in the other room but he just walked by, carrying something and opened the door. ”I’ll be back in a while.” And then he was gone.  
Romano just stood in the living room with only one thought in mind. Did he bring his ax? When he looked out though the window he could se Spain walking with determined steps away from the house with his axe in his hand. Oh shit. 

Romano was still in the living room when Spain returned, all covered in blood. ”Romano, I’m back~!”  
”What the hell Spain!?” Romano just stared at Spain in pure horror.  
”What?” He looked down at himself and laughed. ”Oh this? It’s just tomatoes. I tackled him down at the tomato farm.” He laughed a bit. ”But I did chop his arm off.” He held his axe in front of him and there was Portugal’s blood. Romano just stared at him in chock.  
When Romano didn’t say anything Spain continued. ”Maybe I should take another siesta.”  
”You should get into the shower first.”  
”Good idea.”  
Spain left the axe in the living room when he went to the bathroom. Romano could hear him turn on the water and started singing a stupid Spanish song as he stared at the axe. ”Maybe I shouldn’t mention that it was just a joke.” 

Luck was definitely not on Romano’s side. Of course it had to be a world meeting that week and EVERYONE had to be there which ment that Portugal and Spain had to spend a few hours in the same room.  
As England was blabbing about something boring, Portugal and Spain were staring at each other with murderous eyes. Romano tried to make himself as invisible as possible. He sank down in his chair so only his head was above the table.  
”What are you doing Romano?” Italy asked next to him.  
”Shhhhh. Be quiet you idiot.”  
He slid down the rest and was now under the table.  
”Romano?”  
”Would you shut up! I’m not feeling well so I’m going home.”  
Romano started to crawl towards the door. 

As England were talking about how they were suppose to solve the increasing of immigrants in Europe, the door opened slightly before shutting itself short afterwards. If you listened you could hear footsteps running away.  
”Now if everyone could take a small portion of immigrants then there wouldn’t be as much in only one country and therefore we could— What the bloddy hell is wrong with you two?” England snapped at Spain and Portugal. ”Have you heard a single word of what I’ve been saying?”  
”I’m sorry England but it’s hard to concentrate with this puta in the same room.”  
”You chopped my arm off!” Portugal held up the shoulder of what was left of him left arm.  
”You deserved it.”  
”I didn’t do anything!”  
”You slept with Romano. And lied to our faces”  
Portugal laughed a dry laugh. ”I’m gonna kill that meretriz.”  
Spain stood up so quick his chair fell backwards. ”Don’t you dare call Romano a whore you puta! And if you lay a hand on him again I swear I’m gonna kill you forever this time.”  
”I didn’t sleep with him! He is lying to you! Tell him the truth Romano!”  
Everyones eyes went to the chair Romano was suppose to sit on which were empty.  
”Where’s Romano?” Spain sounded worried.  
”Um… he, he said he didn’t feel well so he went home.” Italy said nervously.  
Portugal walked to the door. ”I’m gonna kill him.”  
Spain ran towards him, swinging his axe. ”Don’t you even try!”  
Portugal blocked with his own axe, kicked Spain in the stomach and ran out in the corridor. Spain followed and threw himself at him so Portugal fell to the floor. As Portugal tried to hit Spain with his own axe from the floor, Spain gripped it and pulled it out of his hand. Everyone stood in the doorway watching the two of them fight. Spain swung his axe and Portugal rolled out of the way.  
”Yeah! An axe fight!” Denmark yelled, pulled out his own axe before Norway hit him on the head to make him stay put.  
As the two of them continued fighting with Spain having the upper hand Italy called Romano.  
”What do you want Italy?!” Romano answered.  
”Where are you Romano?”  
”I’m hiding.”  
”Where?”  
”I’m not telling you!”  
”Why not?”  
”Because you might reveal my hideout!”  
”True. But what happened? Why is Spain trying to kill Portugal?”  
Out of nowhere Portugal was standing right next to Italy. ”Is that Romano? Give me.”  
He held the phone to his ear as Spain was rushing towards him. ”Were are you Romano?!”  
All he heard was a klick and a tone. Portugal dropped the phone as he avoided a swing from Spain’s axe.  
The phone hit the floor and broke. Italy fell to his knees and picked up the phone. ”NOOOOOOO!! MY PHONE!”  
Japan laid a hand on his shoulder. ”Don’t worry Italy. I can fix it for you.”  
Italy looked up at Japan with big eyes. ”Can you save all my pictures?”  
”Yes. It’s going to be as if it never hit the floor.”  
”Thank you Japan!” Italy shot up crying tears of happiness.  
Inside the meeting room was England. The only one not looking at the fight. ”You don’t want to listen to my meeting. Fine. No meeting.” He said to himself. ”I’m gonna sit down. I can sitt anywhere, l will sitt down at someone else’s chair. Because l can” England sat down at France’s chair and started rubbing his butt against it. ”Ha take that France! Now my butt will forever be rubbed on your chairs.”  
”You need to seek help, England.” Canada said, still sitting in his chair.  
England have out a small scream. ”How long have you been sitting there?”  
”This enitre time.”  
England chose to ignore him and continued rubbing his butt against the chair.  
Out in the hallway was Spain going to chop Portugal with his axe when Germany stepped in and shoved Spain up on the wall. ”Enough! This is a world meeting, not a battlefield! If you have problems with each other then solve it outside of the conference room!”  
”But this is outside of the conference room. We are in the corridor.” 

The next day

Romano stood outside with Portugal in front of him. ”I’ve explained to Spain that it was just a joke to se how jealous he could get. I didn´t think he would go that far I’m sorry it got to this.”  
Portugal rubbed his head from the hit he’d gotten from Germany. ”Really funny joke. Why didn’t you stop him?And why would you even joke about that?”  
”He was too fast, dammit! And l don´t know l´m a messed up person okej. Anyway, do you forgive me?”  
”Fine I forgive you. But remember this, I will get back at you. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a decade but I will get back at you.”  
”Can’t you just chop my arm off and get it over with”  
”Nope. Suffer the consequences of your actions Romano.”  
I can’t live in fear of him getting back at me for a decade! There’s only one thing to do. Romano picked up an axe.  
Portugal looked at him and backed a stepp. ”What are you doing?”  
”You can’t get back at me if you’re chopped up.”  
Portugal started to run. As Romano chased him he swung the axe not so gracefully. Spain saw everything from a distance and ran towards them and grabbed the axe as Romano swung it. ”Romano that’s not good.”  
Portugal stopped and stared at them, ready to run any second.  
Spain picked upp a sword. ”Let’s trade.”  
Romano took the sword, Spain took the axe and when both had their weapons they looked at Portugal with a grin.  
”You are both insane!” He yelled as he ran the fastest he could.


	2. Just a joke?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bonus story related to just a joke XD This story take part a couple of months after Romano lied and told Spain he’d slept with Portugal.

Romano came running towards Spain, panting all red in his face. ”Spain! Spain! Germany kissed me!”  
Spain whom were reading in his bed looked up from his book. ”Qué?”   
”He kissed me dammit! On the mouth! The damn bastard got drunk, mistook me for Veneziano who were taking a piss and kissed me! I can still taste him on my lips dammit! Alcohol and potato.” he cringed and shuddered.   
”Romano it's not nice to lie.”   
Romano breathed heavily. ”What?”   
”Remember when you told me about you sleeping with Portugal? I’m pretty sure he’s still mad about that.”   
All of a suddenly a stone came flying through the window. Leaving broken glass all over the floor. ”This is nothing like that you damn bastard! He kissed me! On the lips!”   
”I DID NOTHING!” They heard Portugal scream from outside.   
Romano stomped to the window and opened it. ”I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU!! PISS OFF YOU DAMN COCKCROTCH!!!!” Then he slammed the window shut, only causing the remaining glass to fall to the floor.  
Spain just sat up and looked at Romano with a raised eyebrow. ”Romano-”   
”HE KISSED ME! THAT POTATO BASTARD KISSED ME ON THE MOUTH!”   
Spain sighed.   
”I SCREAMED AND RAN OUT! RAN ALL THE FUCKING WAY FROM ITALY TO YOU! Now do something damn bastard!”   
”What do you want me to do? Chase him with an axe? Chop off his arm? I don’t believe you.”   
Romanos cheeks puffed up. He wanted Spain to comfort him. Hold him and say everything would be fine. Now all he wanted to do was to punch his face in. ”Forget it damn bastard. I'm gonna go and sleep on the couch  
”You don’t have to be so mad Romano.”   
Romano just slammed the door shut stomping away cursing.

 

The next day.

Spain were making breakfast in the kitchen and Romano stared at him half hidden by a corner.   
How long are you gonna be mad at me Romano?” Spain poured some fresh orange juice into two glasses.  
”When you start to believe me.”   
”Have you heard about the boy who called wolf?”   
”I only called wolf once dammit! Why won't you believe me!?”   
”Because it’s ridiculous. I mean, the thing with Portugal was at least believable because he looks like me but that Germany would kiss you. Sorry Romano I don't believe that lie.”  
”It’s not a lie! HE GOT FUCKING DRUNK AND THOUGHT I WAS MY GODDAMN BROTHER!!” I KNOW I LIED BEFORE BUT THIS REALLY HAPPENED. HE KISSED ME ON THE MOUTH WITH HIS POTATO LIPS!!!  
Romano started to slam his head into the wall.   
”Romano stop that!” Spain walked over to the angry Italian.  
”Believe me or I'll continue slamming my head into the wall!”  
Before Spain would answer there was a knock on the door. ”There’s some chocolate in the drawers. Take one.”  
Spain opened the door and saw Germany standing there, scratching the back of his head with a low head. ”Is Romano here? I came to apologize about last night.”   
It took Spain a couple of seconds to answer. ”For what?”   
”Well you se.…” Germany cleared his throat. ”I got so drunk last night that I mistook him for Italy and … kissed him.” He looked away embaressed.   
Spain blinked dumbfounded a couple of times and walked away.  
”You see!” Romano shouted from the kitchen. ”I wasn't lying. And put down the axe you damn bastard!”  
Spain stood in the hallway with his axe in his hands. Looked down on it and then looked at a slightly scared Germany. ”Well since it was an accident that even I could make, and since you came to apologize, I forgive you.” Spain leaned the axe against the wall and smiled.   
Germany got his usual good composure back. ”Thanks and if I could say it to Romano face to face then I’ll be on my way.”   
Romano came into the hallway. Munching on a chocolate bar.   
”Romano I’m sorry and it won’t happened again. I talked to Italy about it and he understands. I’m sorry. If l caused you any.....”   
”Yeah yeah l get it apology accepted.” Said Romano and slammed the door shut. ”Now let’s eat I'm starving. And by the way I'm gonna hide your axe someday.”

**Author's Note:**

> We thought since countries are hard to kill maybe Portugals arm would grow back, kinda like a lizards. Spain was slightly upset about the joke but happy that Romano didn't accidentally cheated so its all good.


End file.
